(no subject)
Interesting discussion about veganism and ethical meat-eating going on in ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
naturalliving. Link: http://www.livejournal.com/community/naturalliving/316020.html
So that's what I am: an ethical omnivore.
Chris is still sick but back at work, Hallelujah! The kids were relatively great today! It'll be a thing good when I talk about "the kids" and mean two or three as opposed to over thirty. I've been talking to Mom about things and we kind of agreed on the fact that what the heck am I doing having these extremely extroverted jobs? Referring to this job and the big multiplex theatre. Duh it's stressing me out: I'm not made for this kind of constant, intense socialization. Have I not mentioned how painfully shy I am? Emotional and physical contact with others is a BIG ISSUE for me. Imagine your own BIG ISSUE. Imagine it as a giant red button. Now imagine that button being pushed constantly every day, by many different people. (EDIT: haha, I didn't mean for this to sound sexual)
And another thing. I don't like what working there is doing to me as a person, especially to how I treat kids: I am brittle. I am exasperated. I am inflexible. I am authoritarian. I am noncommittal. I am boring. I am uncreative. I yell too much. This is how all the teachers are. This is how I've had to be to last here.
This is not good. This is not ok. It goes against all the beliefs and ideals about children that I hold near and dear. It's horrible what these kids have been dealt. It's like I'm witnessing--no, I've become a part of the machine that is breaking these kids's spirits, that is shriveling the parts of them that are unique, amazing, good, magical.
So, wow. I've never put these feelings into words before. Now this really makes me ask myself why the fuck am I still working for this place.
In related news, I gave myself an overdraft paying for my dog's meds. I now have -$6.97 to my name, and I am really ready for a paycheck.
naturalliving. Link: http://www.livejournal.com/community/naturalliving/316020.htmlSo that's what I am: an ethical omnivore.
Chris is still sick but back at work, Hallelujah! The kids were relatively great today! It'll be a thing good when I talk about "the kids" and mean two or three as opposed to over thirty. I've been talking to Mom about things and we kind of agreed on the fact that what the heck am I doing having these extremely extroverted jobs? Referring to this job and the big multiplex theatre. Duh it's stressing me out: I'm not made for this kind of constant, intense socialization. Have I not mentioned how painfully shy I am? Emotional and physical contact with others is a BIG ISSUE for me. Imagine your own BIG ISSUE. Imagine it as a giant red button. Now imagine that button being pushed constantly every day, by many different people. (EDIT: haha, I didn't mean for this to sound sexual)
And another thing. I don't like what working there is doing to me as a person, especially to how I treat kids: I am brittle. I am exasperated. I am inflexible. I am authoritarian. I am noncommittal. I am boring. I am uncreative. I yell too much. This is how all the teachers are. This is how I've had to be to last here.
This is not good. This is not ok. It goes against all the beliefs and ideals about children that I hold near and dear. It's horrible what these kids have been dealt. It's like I'm witnessing--no, I've become a part of the machine that is breaking these kids's spirits, that is shriveling the parts of them that are unique, amazing, good, magical.
So, wow. I've never put these feelings into words before. Now this really makes me ask myself why the fuck am I still working for this place.
In related news, I gave myself an overdraft paying for my dog's meds. I now have -$6.97 to my name, and I am really ready for a paycheck.