Grandpa

[atotalblamblam]

My grandpa just found out he has cancer. It's looking like it's terminal. It's a tumor that's several inches in size in his lung. He's smoked since he was 11. He already has emphysema, which means that operating isn't an option, because he wouldn't have enough healthy lung tissue left. I don't know why I'm telling all this. It sounds so clinical. I just felt compelled to go and write on my lj.

Grandpa is so, so strong. He's the grizzly bear. Quiet, peaceful grizzly bear. I love him so much and he's had such a hard life and he never complains. He's just strong. His last name is Steele, he couldn't have a more fitting name. He has such icy, blue eyes. But he's scared. My grandparents raised me since I was very little. They fought so hard to become my legal guardians. Grandpa gives me a free bus pass every month. Grandpa is the only one is this house who is working right now. My two aunts and I are all trying to find jobs, Grandma has been retired for a decade. Grandpa retired a long time ago, but then started working again because they needed the money. He's in so much pain all the time, whenever I get up during the night he's always sitting out in the living room, awake.

I've never had anyone I was close to die before. Dogs that I loved, but never people. It's hard to know how to act, and I don't want to cry because I don't want the focus on me, and Grandpa himself is so strong. I don't know what's going to happen to everybody, especially Grandma. They've been married for 40 years now and they seem to just grow closer as time goes by.

What would it feel like to know that you're going to die?

Comments

[rockstarhockey.livejournal.com]

bear

[gramhamhamham.livejournal.com]

wow i'm sorry. thats got to be tough. we thought my dad was going to die when i was about 15, but a sugery saved him. your grandpa sounds way cool, you should do something sweet for him. my great grandpa died recently but it was cool cause we were writting letters back and forth just before then. well i hope you find a job soon and you find ways to balance your self through it all.

[randomfrog.livejournal.com]

I'm so, so sorry.

My grandpa died a year ago. He had a stroke - he and my grandma were so tough; they grew up poor in rural China and managed to send my dad to America for college; they were so reliable and so strong - and then poof, all that was gone. I guess, all I'm trying to say is, I'm sorry. I know how it feels, a little bit.

[rantingranger.livejournal.com]

Cancer took my father, age 36, before my eighth birthday; his death initiated an onslaught of deaths in the family which finally tapered off by the onset of my adolescence. Some had more time to prepare than others, but each of them could see the end coming. It sounds like a cliché, but it has persisted for good reasons: make the most of the time you have left with your grandfather. The death of a close family member will bring you as close to comprehending eternity as you'll ever get. I'd give anything for one more day with my father, but I have no bad memories of him, only good.

... and in completely unrelated news, I noticed you had recently joined the Worldwide Park Rangers community, and I'd like to welcome you as personally as possible {|:P> In addition to the discussion of all things rangerly, I started the community with the hope that it would grow into just that - a community for lovers of life on this planet. I hope to step up my contributions soon, but don't wait for me - you can easily get caught up on past posts and jump right in with your own thoughts! I'll see you there.