atotalblamblam (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
atotalblamblam) wrote2007-02-08 06:42 pm
atotalblamblam) wrote2007-02-08 06:42 pm
Grandpa
My grandpa just found out he has cancer. It's looking like it's terminal. It's a tumor that's several inches in size in his lung. He's smoked since he was 11. He already has emphysema, which means that operating isn't an option, because he wouldn't have enough healthy lung tissue left. I don't know why I'm telling all this. It sounds so clinical. I just felt compelled to go and write on my lj.
Grandpa is so, so strong. He's the grizzly bear. Quiet, peaceful grizzly bear. I love him so much and he's had such a hard life and he never complains. He's just strong. His last name is Steele, he couldn't have a more fitting name. He has such icy, blue eyes. But he's scared. My grandparents raised me since I was very little. They fought so hard to become my legal guardians. Grandpa gives me a free bus pass every month. Grandpa is the only one is this house who is working right now. My two aunts and I are all trying to find jobs, Grandma has been retired for a decade. Grandpa retired a long time ago, but then started working again because they needed the money. He's in so much pain all the time, whenever I get up during the night he's always sitting out in the living room, awake.
I've never had anyone I was close to die before. Dogs that I loved, but never people. It's hard to know how to act, and I don't want to cry because I don't want the focus on me, and Grandpa himself is so strong. I don't know what's going to happen to everybody, especially Grandma. They've been married for 40 years now and they seem to just grow closer as time goes by.
What would it feel like to know that you're going to die?
Grandpa is so, so strong. He's the grizzly bear. Quiet, peaceful grizzly bear. I love him so much and he's had such a hard life and he never complains. He's just strong. His last name is Steele, he couldn't have a more fitting name. He has such icy, blue eyes. But he's scared. My grandparents raised me since I was very little. They fought so hard to become my legal guardians. Grandpa gives me a free bus pass every month. Grandpa is the only one is this house who is working right now. My two aunts and I are all trying to find jobs, Grandma has been retired for a decade. Grandpa retired a long time ago, but then started working again because they needed the money. He's in so much pain all the time, whenever I get up during the night he's always sitting out in the living room, awake.
I've never had anyone I was close to die before. Dogs that I loved, but never people. It's hard to know how to act, and I don't want to cry because I don't want the focus on me, and Grandpa himself is so strong. I don't know what's going to happen to everybody, especially Grandma. They've been married for 40 years now and they seem to just grow closer as time goes by.
What would it feel like to know that you're going to die?
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One good thing about this is that at least Grandpa knows ahead of time, so he can make any plans for after he dies, get things in order, tell each of us anything he wants. And we can show him how much we love him.